so they call me a dreamer....
"When Harry Met Sally came out.. it gave a lot of desperate people hope. It made it realistic to suspect your best friend may be your soul mate, and it made wanting such a scenario comfortably conventional. The problem is that the Harry Met Sally situation is almost always tragically unballanced. Most of the time, the two involved parties are not really "best friends". Inevitably, one of the people has been in love with the other from the first day they met, while the other person is either (a) wracked with guilt and pressure, or (b) completley oblivivous to the esposed attraction. Every relationship is fundamentally a power struggle, and the individual in power is whoever likes the other person less."
-Chuck Klosterman "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs."
Sometimes I sit and wonder about how I got so obsessed with popular culture and the fictitional people that live within it or the 'real' people that strive to. It's almost like an addiction that I need to feed on an hourly basis. That being said, I may get off topic a few times throughout this blog, and for that I appologize.
Is it that lifes not that interesting anymore? or is it because I refuse to feel anything else but the drama of the 2 dimensional TV/Music/Internet socialites I have come to know dearly? To answer my own semi-retorical questions, I think i'm fucking scared.. and want to live life vicariously though others to feel remotely happy with myself..
People close to me say.. "why be so fucking melodramatic? All you need is a little bit of self confidence...." There is that dreaded word.. confidence.. who new it had so much power? What is confidence?
Where is this confidence everyone talks about? Whoever sells it should market it better.. because i've never known about when or where I could pick some up.
Costco maybe? or Ebay? If it were that simple a lot more people would be happy in their hopeless, rediculous, messy, purposeless existence. Aren't I a ray of sunshine? I'm tired of answering my jumbled mundane questions..
Let me get to the point.
All my life i've hid from emotional pain. Especially when it comes to.. a little thing I like to call.. relationships. I 've hiden so long under my emotional comfort blanket and pretended that I could be happy sheltering my psyche from any type of negative feelings that now I'm 21 and have nothing to show for it, except an overly unhealthy, very large obsession with Seth Cohen.
I have a vision in my mind of who i'd like to be someday. Someone with style, confidence, beauty, intellegence, with the ability to command attention, but enough fragility that keeps her down to earth. Most of all she would have the ability to leave fictional characters and daydreams out of her thoughts throughout the day. Someone cool... like any popular icon of my generation.. take your pick.. any will do..
Who knows what choices I will make next. I hope I aquire, said 'CONFIDENCE' sometime soon, so I can enjoy who I am and who I want to become. If anyone has an suggestions about getting over myself (like a slap in the face) let me know!
I promise my next blog will be a bit more upbeat.. maybe i'll throw a little sarcasm in..
posted by Attack of the Killer Blog at 10:59 AM
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